V/H/S
Directed by Misc. (see review)
Starring Adam Wingard, Hannah Fierman, Joe Swanberg, Helen Rogers
Rated R (strong horror violence/gore, strong sexuality/nudity, drug use, strong language)
V/H/S is a new anthology horror film (which I’ve always
enjoyed) that takes on the found-footage genre (which is getting really stale
at this point). I’ve seen four in the last month alone- Paranormal Activity 4,
The Bay, Area 407, and now this. The film is directed by numerous directors
behind such indie horror film as I Sell the Dead, A Horrible Way to Die, The
House of the Devil, and The Signal.
The film is six different segments, so I find it best to
rate each individually, starting with the one that frames the story. A group of
horrible thieves who make bootleg porn on the side break into someone’s house
to find a VHS tape with incriminating footage, but they don’t know which of the
dozens of tapes in the basement is the right one. One by one they watch
different videos, all of them turning out to have horrific footage. This
segment is called “Tape 56” and is honestly one of the worst of the segments.
It’s a terrible framework for the rest of the film and makes very little sense.
We have no indications of why supernatural things keep happening in the story
as well as why the characters are so horrible and unlikable. It honestly would
have been better if some kid brought out his dad’s bootleg VHS collections all
labeled “paranormal evidence” and sat down to watch them all. It would have
eliminated unnecessary characters, explained why all the tapes have horror
tropes and supernatural weirdness, and would definitely had lent itself to more
scares than the actual ending of the segment, which is fucking stupid and
anticlimactic. D
“The Signal” director David Bruckner directs the next
segment, “Amateur Night,” which features three drunk dudes trying to get laid
who pick up a girl who may not be what she seems. It’s a decent little tale,
but suffers the same faults that most of these segments do- not enough time for
character development. The effects in it are pretty good and gory. The reveal
is confusing at first due to the VHS quality of the videos, which doesn’t make
any goddamn sense because pretty much none of these “tapes” are made using a
VHS camera, yet apparently they all feature the type of glitches only VHS tapes
(you know, with film in it) has. It’s used as a cheap way to obscure certain
effects. All in all, the segment is effective, but nothing super-awesome. B-
Ti West, probably the best director among the group, directs
easily the worst segment, “Second Honeymoon,” which isn’t even a fucking horror
segment. It follows a couple on their trip to the Grand Canyon and Vegas who
seem to be stalked by a mysterious woman. It’s incredibly boring, not at all
tense, and features a scene that is supposed to provide foreshadowing but
instead spells out the twist, and this is in the beginning of the segment to
boot. It has a sick kill scene, but there’s no thrills to be had and nothing
unique or even remotely interesting. D
“I Sell the Dead” director Glenn McQuaid directs “Tuesday
the 17th,” an obvious slasher segment that is bizarrely short
compared to the other segments. The gore and kills are awesome, but the plot
itself is literally an afterthought. It is deliberately skipped over and things
like important backstory don’t exist because, well, it’s only a few minutes
long. Once again, the characters are
annoying and have no personality. The glitches do make sense in this one,
though, and there are some cool sequences in it. C
“The Sick Thing that Happened to Emily When She Was Younger”
is directed by Joe Swanbeg, a mumblecore director with no experience in horror.
It follows a girl on her webcam as she talks to her boyfriend when she starts
hearing and seeing ghosts.It’s kind of interesting, but it splices together two
different genres and doesn’t bother to explain anything. There are some decent
scares, but the segment has a bunch of clues that are peppered around and the
ending just doesn’t tie together everything. You basically have to invent your
own mythology. Again, these segments seem to need more time to develop
characters and give backstory and explanation. I dug the concept on this one a
bunch, though, and that keeps it from being awful. C
The last segment, directed by internet filmmakers Radio
Silence, is “10/31/98” and is the best segment in the movie. The characters are
still blank-faced idiots, but they aren’t aggressively annoying and clearly
have some goodwill in their hearts. It concerns four friends who look for a
Halloween party but end up stumbling upon a cult. It takes place mostly in a
haunted house and that haunted house vibe works incredibly well and the visuals
in this are the best in the entire film, offering as many scares Paranormal
Activity featured and then some in only 20 minutes. The technical glitches and
poor lighting are still annoying, but it’s also the one that makes the most
sense with a VHS tape, having taken place in the 90s. It’s a fun one. B
As a whole, the movie is terribly uneven, features two good
segments, two awful ones, and two mediocre ones. The segments are strung
together with little skill and the framing device is terrible. It’s just too
boring and unprofessional at times, and the “found footage” style is nowhere
near as scary as it should be.
Total rating: C-
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